The Nostalgia...AMAR KOLKATA!!!

                 As we gear up for yet another action filled season of IPL, the home team Kolkata night riders will try and produce a performance which would rather ignite the  lost“banga-priti” among the Bengali race who are busy playing with blood during the season of political unrest...Though a Bangali, I find my people quite "qwirky", here are a few observations which I managed to come across during my short Stint at the city of joy:

Ø According to Bengalis, there are only three kinds Indians – Bengalis/Oriyas, Hindustanis (North Indians) and Madrasis (South Indians)

Ø Someone should tell Bengali Kolkatans not to speak in Hindi with Bihari and Sikh taxiwallahs. Bengalis will never get the hang of the language no matter how much they try.

Ø We all know that Bengalis are obsessed with food…What we may not know is that this obsession has reached such a point that nearly half their income is spent on fish, chicken and vegetables…As a result, there’s no money left to paint the facade of their houses which adds to the shabbiness of Kolkata.When asked, many Kolkatans say, “Who cares about aesthetics.Anyway, old shabby houses add to the character of the city”

Ø Bengalis for some reason pronounce ‘would’/'wood’ as ‘ood’ (the ‘w’ is silent)…Even the ones who have attended St.Xaviers College, Kolkata.

Ø Bengali babus always eat fish curry-rice before leaving for work…Their work day starts at 11 am and ends promptly at 5 pm with a one hour lunch break in the middle. No wonder nothing gets done in Kolkata

Ø The typical Bengali man always does the vegetable and fish/chicken/mutton shopping…This job is rarely entrusted to a woman or a servant…It is common to see unbathed men with uncombed hair in crushed pajama-kurtas at vegetable and fish shops haggling with vendors early in the morning. Bengalis haven’t adapted to the fridge very well as yet. They still feel that all food items should to be bought fresh everyday including butter.

Ø When you take the early morning bus to office,you will either notice people with their ear plugs ignoring everything or the groups which talk about the latest bangle soap “GANER OPARE”. You will want to sing “amake amar moto thakte dao” when the discussion goes to such an extent that young ladies try and associate their life with that of “pupe”, the main protagonist.

Ø Bengali women are dominant and Bengali men are wimps…If you don’t believe me, watch Parineeta and Devdas…Devdas, who drank himself to death because his mother forbade him to marry his true love, is idolised by Bengalis…For them, he’s the epitome of a true lover. The same is true of Shekhar the hero of Parineeta. Although he does marry his love, he doesn’t have the guts to make it public…There are many other stories like these in Bengali literature.

Ø Children especially girls have to learn singing preferably Rabindro Sangeet and obviously the art of FLIRTING is an in-born asset.

Ø Bengalis have a fixation for white foreigners (sada chamra)…Blacks are looked down upon except for Barack Obama. The colonial “HANGOVER” can be still felt and the “ANTEL(pl read in bengali)” bangali is always obsessed with Lennon,Floyd,Bob Dylan,Keats,Shakespear..and so on..the list continues…

Ø Politics is the order of the day and if you have to catch a train or attend a movie…Please make sure you have more than 2hours in hand cos you never know when “DIDI” or “BABU” might “LEAD THE NATION WITH A MICROFONE”, leading the traffic to a standstill for hours.

Ø Bongs in Kolkata are the founders of Adda-chokro,Adults spend their time discussing phootball, rabindro sangeet, dada-giri and CPM/Mamatadidi over cups and cups of tea..

Ø And the chops and singhara and various bhaja bhuji as we call it clearly gives you an answer for their frequent visit to CMC VELLORE and APOLLO HOSPITAL CHENNAI. (I was actually shocked to see menu written in Bengali in shops at “GREAMS ROAD” in CHENNAI where APPOLLO is situated.)

Ø The Jams and the “ANGRY DAILY-PASSENGERS” are to be literally taken care off…otherwise you will really have a tough time!!

Ø When Bengalis go out to eat, they will necessarily order a chicken dish…The problem arises when the chicken dish arrives…If all the pieces are not thangs (legs) they start fuming and arguing with the waiter…Why? Their reasoning is: if we order two plates of chicken, we expect 2 legs per plate… 

Ø And obviously who can forget “OLY PUB” OR “COFFEE HOUSE” or a romantic evening at“THE LAKE” or a movie at “NANDAN” with ones “PRIYOTOMA” or “CRICKET @ EDEN GARDENS”??  It’s the pride of “THE CITY OF JOY” and one should visit these places to actually know what it is.

Ø One thing is pretty hard to find in KOLKATA… “SINGLE”  and “NON SMOKING” girls. Its really a task  to find the rare breed of  females out here. People smoke cigarette like having water.

Ø And if I start elaborating Salt Lake Area, then I don’t think people of that part will appreciate it, but still it’s a disgrace to Bengalis,they are mostly old bunch of left alones (mostly old people whose children have left them to work abroad or “ARISTROCATIC BONGS” who have retired) who have now become businessmen and they screw the people coming to work at sector-5 and indirectly make people say that KOLKATA people are cheats.

Ø And now I should quickly mention the beauty of the “JHOOPS”…don’t think too much, it’s the Jhoopris which is a sort of Dhaba like arrangement for food..I can bet you can’t find food cheaper than this throughout the country.

The “BANGAL-GHOTI” , “ELISH-CHINGRI”, “EASTBENGAL-MOHUN BAGAN”, “CPM-MAMATA DI” fights will continue but in the end, I must confess, I am in love this city..TRULLY SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY TERMED IT AS “THE CITY OF JOY!!!”