"SALAAM KOLKATA!!!"

   I’m a Bengali although not a Kolkatan but my first posting happened to be in “the city of joy” and I’ve always found ‘my people’ a bit iffy…Here are some observations:

Ø  Bongs in Kolkata are the founders of Adda-chokro,Adults spend their time discussing phootball, rabindro sangeet and CPM/Mamatadidi over cups and cups of tea..

Ø  Bengalis for some reason pronounce ‘would’/'wood’ as ‘ood’ (the ‘w’ is silent)…Even the ones who have attended St.Xaviers College, Kolkata

Ø  Bengali babus always eat fish curry-rice before leaving for work…Their work day starts at 11 am and ends promptly at 5 pm with a one hour lunch break in the middle…No wonder nothing gets done in Kolkata

Ø  The typical Bengali man always does the vegetable and fish/chicken/mutton shopping…This job is rarely entrusted to a woman or a servant…It is common to see unbathed men with uncombed hair in crushed pajama-kurtas at vegetable and fish shops haggling with vendors early in the morning…Bengalis haven’t adapted to the fridge very well as yet…They still feel that all food items should to be bought fresh everyday including butter.

Ø   the city of strikes...every other day there is some kind of rally or strikes...and the people have to suffer.

Ø  Bengali women are dominant and Bengali men are wimps…If you don’t believe me, watch Parineeta and Devdas…Devdas, who drank himself to death because his mother forbade him to marry his true love, is idolised by Bengalis…For them, he’s the epitome of a true lover…The same is true of Shekhar  the hero of Parineeta…Although he does marry his love, he doesn’t have the guts to make it public…There are many other stories like these in Bengali literature.   

Ø  Bengalis have a fixation for white foreigners (sada chamra)…Blacks are looked down upon except for Barack Obama. The colonial “HANGOVER” can be still felt and the “ANTEL(pl read in bengali)” bangali is always obsessed with Lennon,Floyd,Bob Dylan,Keats,Shakespear..and so on..the list continues…

Ø  We all know that Bengalis are obsessed with food…What we may not know is that this obsession has reached such a point that nearly half their income is spent on fish, chicken and vegetables…As a result, there’s no money left to paint the facade of their houses which adds to the shabbiness of Kolkata…When asked, many Kolkatans say, “Who cares about aesthetics…Anyway, old shabby houses add to the character of the city”

Ø  And the chops and singhara and various bhaja bhuji as we call it clearly gives you an answer for their frequent visit to CMC VELLORE and APOLLO HOSPITAL CHENNAI. (I was actually  shocked to see menu written in Bengali in shops at “GREAMS ROAD” in CHENNAI where APPOLLO is situated.)

Ø  The Jams and the “ANGRY DAILY-PASSENGERS” are to be literally taken care off…otherwise you will really have a tough time!!

Ø  When Bengalis go out to eat, they will necessarily order a chicken dish…The problem arises when the chicken dish arrives…If all the pieces are not thangs (legs) they start fuming and arguing with the waiter…Why? Their reasoning is: if we order two plates of chicken, we expect 2 legs per plate…They can’t seem to understand that a chicken doesn’t have only legs..

Ø  girls are masters at the art of FLIRTING as it is an in-born asset.

Ø  And obviously who can forget “OLY PUB” OR “COFFEE HOUSE” or “THE LAKE” or a movie at “NANDAN” “CRICKET @ EDEN GARDENS”??  It’s the pride of “THE CITY OF JOY” and one should visit these places  to actually know what it is…

Ø  One thing is pretty hard to find in KOLKATA… “SINGLE”  and “NON SMOKING” girls. Its really a task  to find the rare breed of  females out here. People smoke cigarette like having water.

Ø  And  if I start elaborating Salt Lake Area, then I don’t think people of that part will appreciate it, but still it’s a disgrace to Bengalis,they are mostly old bunch of left alones (mostly old people whose children have left them to work abroad or “ARISTROCATIC BONGS” who have retired) who have now become businessmen and they screw the people coming to work at sector-5 and indirectly make people say that KOLKATA people are cheats..

Ø  And now I should quickly mention the beauty of the “JHOOPS”…don’t think too much, it’s the Jhoopris which is a sort of Dhaba like arrangement for food..I can bet you can’t find food cheaper than this throughout the country…

   
                  The “BANGAL-GHOTI” , “ELISH-CHINGRI”, “EASTBENGAL-MOHUN BAGAN”, “CPM-MAMATA DI” fights will continue but in the end, I must confess, I am in love with this city..TRULLY SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY TERMED IT AS “THE CITY OF JOY!!”

 "SALAAM KOLKATA!!!!!"